Fight of My Life

November 27, 2012 7:14 pm / by / 4 comments

“Pam,  I think your Dad is dead”.   Mom was clearly distraught and as her words began to register,  I reasoned, “No, Mom, you’re wrong”.   As I ran to Dad I thought about CPR, “That’s it, I will perform CPR and he will be just fine”.  But it was clearly too late.  We both went into shock, after all, this was not supposed to happen.   He had just brought my little boy and me home to take care of us and make everything alright.

My husband came as soon as he heard the news.  He felt bad for us, even made a salad for the reception after the funeral.  His family was very nice to Mom and me, they made some food and watched my boy as often as I asked.  I had hoped we could all be friends even if my husband and I never got back together again.  This hope was soon dashed to the ground.

I found a good position with a good company.  I allowed our boy to go and visit with his dad in Colorado (we were in Utah where my parents lived).   He had agreed to return him on a certain date.  Instead of receiving my boy home, I got a nasty phone call saying that he would not return him and that he was going to try to get full custody.   He started telling me lies that he was going to tell the court about me.  I, of course, freaked!  Now what?  I went to my new employer and asked for time off to go to Colorado to get my boy back.  They were very gracious and let me go.  In the meantime, I hired an attorney and set up a court date.

We went to court; it was me and my 18-year-old cousin (who drove over with me just so I wasn’t completely alone), my husband and  his wealthy parents.  They had the money and the impressive look but I had the Lord.  In court, the lies gushed forth like oil from the ground.  The things he said about me were so degrading that they would not have been true even if I hadn’t been  a Christian.  The Judge did not know who was lying so he ordered a Social Worker to examine our family and decide who my little boy should live with.  Now mind you, when we did live as a family, my husband took very little interest in our son.  And now he wants custody?  He only wanted to hurt me.  In the meantime, however, the Judge ordered my boy to live with me until the Social Worker’s Report came in.

So now, my son and I have to go back to Colorado regularly so that the Social Worker could examine me as a mom, how my boy and I interact with one another, and talk to my boy privately about what it’s like living with mommy and daddy.  And sometimes all three of us would have to go together.  Talk about stress!!!

The report came back after many months with the recommendation that I was to have sole custody of our boy.  Praise be to God!  Now it was up to the judge.  But in reality, as I look back,  The Judge had already decided that He wanted my boy with me and so the court ruled accordingly.  I was so relieved, I jumped for joy and gave thanks to my Defender.  I was hoping to get a reprieve from the attacks from my now ex and his family but unfortunately, they continued.  But, I had my boy and that was all that mattered.

I attended a Christian Single’s group at my new church.  And after some time, I met the nicest man I had ever met.  We fell in love and our foundation was the Lord Himself.  We were very happy, I didn’t know marriage could be so good!

As time went on and my ex could see that I had moved on, his threats got considerably more serious.  He told me many times that he would take our son and I would never see him again.  I believed him.  He was out of control.  I knew I couldn’t control him when we were married, there was no way I could control him now.  He would attack my new husband and  make horrible public scenes, all the while with our little boy watching.   My ex and my husband’s ex had become friends (they had their hatred of us in common) and so the two the them would do what they could to make our lives miserable.

After putting up with this for a while, we decided we didn’t have to.  We packed up and moved to California.  We have never regretted it.  When outside forces are trying to rob your family of its peace and unity,  you don’t have to let them.  Right before our move, I went to the Dr. as I just had not felt well for awhile.  The news was exceptional, we were expecting our baby.







  1. Coleen Bevan says:

    God is our redeemer and a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. You have sought him for so many years and He is so very faithful. May you always abide in His perfect will and plan for your life. When we look back to the years that have passed we can certainly see with a clearer perspective how He has held our hand along the way!

  2. Laurie Gosh says:

    I had heard this portion before, but reading it made me cry. God is faithful, and good. I am so happy for you that the courts ruled in your favor, to protect your son. I wish that had been the outcome in our family, with the domestic violence and abuse my children (ages almost 3 & 5) went through; and so many independent therapists, doctors, social workers etc. reports testified that my ex had abused them, and still the courts offered no protection for my daughters. Despite this horrible kind of stress, God went through it all with us, and made us stronger and closer, and they are almost grown now

  3. Valerie says:

    praise the Lord He is our stronge tower and ever present help in time of need! He always makes a way for us and never leaves us! a wonderful testimony to His goodness and faithfulness!

  4. Dixie says:

    And God wins again!!!! He always has a plan doesn’t He my friend!!! Love your story and your transparency…..hugs!!!

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