Love for the Abuser

January 6, 2014 3:29 pm / by / 16 comments

There are different reasons why each of us are in Blended Families.  My reason is because my ex husband was an abuser; physically, mentally and emotionally.  Though being married to him was unbearable, it caused me to look up.   I found the best Person that has ever happened to me:  the Lord Jesus Christ during that tumultuous time.  God can bring good out of any bad situation.  Because of God’s great grace and mercy, I would like to share what recently took place.  My ex husband, Kent, was diagnosed with cancer just a short time ago.  They gave him maybe three months to live.

He didn’t last that long.  sick_man

Kent had been estranged from our son and grandson for a while.  Kent’s siblings were also alienated, but Keenan called his aunt and uncles to inform them of his dad’s illness against Kent’s wishes.   They felt bad, they love their brother and they were saddened to hear the news.

The abuse he showered on me while we were married was transferred to others close to him.  He apparently was put in jail for abusing his own father.  When our son was little, Kent did not abuse him, they enjoyed being together.   It was when our son became a man that this started to happen.  Not physically, but verbally and emotionally.  For some reason, he couldn’t find a nice thing to say to him even though my current husband and I are very proud of Keenan.  But if you don’t have grace and encouragement inside of you, you  can’t give it away.  He gave what he had: anger, bitterness and abuse.

To be clear, I am not trying to put him down, I’m trying to explain a little of what was going on.  Kent could be the most charming man you’ve ever met, and he could be a lot of fun.

I forgave him for the abuse I endured many years ago.  I have no animosity toward him at all.  Well, I would at times when I would hear of the verbal and emotional abuse directed at our son ~ I just couldn’t understand how he could demean him like that especially since he is a fine young man and doing a great job of raising his own son alone full-time.

You see, abusers want control over their victims.  They use violence and aggression to gain that control.

When Kent took his turn for the worse, I recommended to Keenan that he should go see his dad.  So Keenan took his son and they spent a few hours together.

I, too,  went to say goodbye.  While there, I asked him what he is most proud of in his life and he pointed to our son and grandson.  After all the damaging things said to Keenan, this little gesture made our son  feel good.   He has that good memory to think back on.

My son asked me if I would talk with his dad about the Lord.  He wanted me to share with him the good news that Jesus was sent by His own Father to die for sinners like us.  So my son and grandson left my ex and I alone for a few minutes so we could discuss the Lord.  Keenan felt Kent would not engage in that conversation with him that’s why he asked me to do it.  It started as a very uncomfortable discussion to say the least, but I was reminded that Jesus is:

The Pure for the impure (that’s me, Kent and all of us).

The Spotless One for the spotted.

The Forgiver for all who need’s forgiveness.  I have been forgiven by the Lord so now I can forgive;  if I hadn’t forgiven Kent, I would never have gone to see him.

So, I looked at Kent and told him “This is not comfortable for me either” and he immediately wanted to start arguing.  But the Holy Spirit somehow got a hold of that conversation and I began sharing who the Lord is and what He has done for us by taking our sins upon Him at the Cross.  I asked him if he would like to receive Christ as his personal Savior and whether he would like to ask for forgiveness for anything he may have done wrong.  He surprisingly said yes!!!

So he repeated after me to accept Christ and then he prayed his own heartfelt and beautiful prayer.  After we finished praying, we looked up at each other and just started laughing with the joy of the Lord.  We knew what just happened.  Right then, our son and grandson returned and Kent blurted out “I just received Jesus as my Savior”.  They were so happy to hear that come out of his mouth.

As it is written in John 3:16:  “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him would not perish but have everlasting life.”

Kent died just two days later but he was escorted into heaven.  My son now looks forward to seeing his dad again one day and he believes that the anger and abuse will be gone.  He will get to know who his dad really is.heaven-mansion1

Lest you think that your sin is not as bad as that of an abuser and you don’t need a Savior, scripture says, “all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God.”  If just one person could have lived through life without sinning, Jesus would not have needed to come.  But He did come, and He offers us the free gift of eternal life if we will accept Him and what He did on that old rugged cross.




  1. Barbara Hartwig says:

    How beautiful, Pam. What a work of grace! I’m sure that took courage, but what an amazing reward, not only for Kent, but also for you and for Keenan and all the family! I’m sure your joy was full as heaven held a party!! Well done good and faithful servant!

    Eternal blessings,

    • Pam Rohr says:

      Thanks Barbara, It was amazing, God is sooo good. Happy New Year to you and Carl. We would love to see you two again! Let us know if you will be down our way.

  2. So proud of you sweet Pam….you have been upon a mighty sea lately with one trial after another yet remain steadfast!! Isn’t it amazing when it comes to Heaven all the past is gone and we only have love between us….neither male nor female!! Love you!!

    • Pam Rohr says:

      Yes, Dixie, once we are in heaven all the junk of the past will be gone and love will remain. We have a lot to look forward to. Love you too!!!

  3. Alia says:

    Thank you for sharing that wonderful testimony….what boldness God gave you and now to think of the reward in heaven of one more soul.

  4. Karen Bull says:

    God is Good!!!! What a great thing for you to have been able to lead him to our Jesus.
    Love you Pam

    • nouv1087 says:

      Love you too Karen. More of the story to come, I think the Lord wants me to share for others who are facing domestic abuse.

  5. Theresa Plastino says:

    What an amazing story. How wonderful that he accepted God’s wonderful gift. I know that you are so happy knowing that you had a part in helping him step into eternal life…that is knowing God through Jesus.

  6. Laurie Gosh says:

    God is so good. This story gives me hope for my ex. Thank you for sharing it.
    love you.

    • Pam Rohr says:

      Yes, He is good Laurie and you are the one who shared Him with me. I’ll say a prayer for your ex…if God can “get” mine, He can “get” yours. Do the girls still see him? Your girls are so beautiful, they look so much like you. Love you too.

  7. Pam says:

    Hello dear friend, Pam! Yahweh, our God is so very faithful and I believe He honored your love & forgiveness for Kent which opened the door to set him free! HalleluYah!

    Blessings & Shalom ….. Pam

  8. Pucci Honeyman Coker says:

    What a lovely and encouraging story this is Pan. I praise God for what He gave to both you and yourEx. May He also give the rest of us oppertunities to share The Good news and the courage and the right words . Thanks for sharing. “Love in Christ

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