Sex is a “hot” topic, but among some couples, it’s a subject they avoid. The way we view sex can determine whether we are fulfilled in it or avoiding it. If we were injured in this area as a child, it may be more difficult to enjoy a healthy relationship as an adult. Allowing pornography into the mix can also hinder an intimate relationship with our partner. Also, do we feel loved and appreciated by our spouse most of the time or do we feel noticed just when they want something? Sex is a gift from God given to committed couples in the marriage relationship. God designed it and it is intended to give the couple a gift that no other relationship has. It can help unite a couple in every area because it involves the whole person: it involves the mind, the body and the spirit. At one time in our culture, it was taught that you save yourself for that special someone in marriage. That is no longer the case but since God designed sex, He has the right to make the rules of how it will best satisfy a person. We’ve all seen or maybe we ourselves have felt the consequences of sex outside of marriage. Unwanted pregnancy, abortion, disease, broken hearts and broken relationships. I recently witnessed a young woman who was enamored with a little bit older man. She couldn’t believe he was interested in her! She was so excited; he knew all of the right things to say and made her feel so special. So she gave herself completely to him only to find out that he had another woman that he was involved with already. She has a broken heart now but along with that, her trust in men has dramatically decreased. So sex is meant to bring pleasure in the committed marriage relationship. But there are so many factors that can hinder the gratification of it. In blended families, just feeling like your spouse is more involved with their children than they are with you and your marriage can cause feelings of resentment. Or if a woman feels her husband treats his daughter better than he treats her, this can cause trouble in the bedroom. Or a man who feels he is second to everyone else in the family may feel his performance is not up to par. When sex is going well, it adds pleasure and acts like a glue holding the couple together emotionally. A hormone, oxytocin, is actually released during orgasm that stimulates feelings of affection, intimacy and closeness between the couple. Consistent mutual pleasure increases the bonding process in the relationship. But when affection and sexuality are not functioning well, it can become a drain on the marriage. So, is sex the foundation for the marriage? No, absolutely not but it is important in that it can increase feelings of intimacy and closeness while acting as a glue that binds you together for emotional health. The heart of sexuality is the giving and receiving of pleasure and it leads to physical, emotional and spiritual connection. The meaning of sex, what it is meant to do for us, is more than just pleasure. It’s about connecting the deepest parts of us with our partner resulting in spiritual oneness that is unlike any other experience. God in His infinite wisdom knew we would need something extra in our marriages, which no other relationship is supposed to have, so that husband and wife will be deeply connected so the whole family can thrive. Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure…Heb. 13:4a This is a brief look at the gift of sex to a marriage couple. If you are feeling more like this area is a drain on your relationship rather than a gift, perhaps you need to work on this area for a while. Do you avoid sex with your spouse? Do you know why? If not, you need to get to the root cause. If you do know why, address it together and if you need the help of a sex therapist or counselor, get one that also understands the spiritual and emotional sides to it, not just the physical side. Difficulty in the sexual realm may be evidence of a greater problem going on in your relationship. If there is abuse in this area, please don’t suffer silently. Get help and get healed.
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